Concepts & Strategies For Empaths and Energetically Sensitive Persons
Are you In a Toxic Relationship?
Is your Relationship based on True Love or the Fantasy of True Love?
If those or similar questions have ever plagued you, watch this summary of signs that your relationship may not be totally based on True Love.
However, just because you can identify some of the 10 Signs illuminated in this video doesn't mean that your relationship is doomed, toxic or abusive! We all have unconscious toxicity in our behaviors, often conditioned or adopted as coping with childhood traumas or challenges.
If you see that traits like these have been sneaking into your relationship you can now make them more conscious! Through this you are opening a door that allows for them to be resolved! Make sure you pay attention to what does not feel healthy to you, or where you feel your feelings are minimized!
Here a suggestion on how you can positively address aspects that you would like to change in your relationship:
1. Calmly address them with your partner without pointing fingers or accusing the other.
2. Ask to change those things that hurt your feelings or that overstep your boundaries.
3. State your point of view and how these make you feel.
4. Ask the other to state their viewpoint and feelings about this subject.
6. Always validate your partner's/child's feelings (even if you disagree with his/her view) - this is not the same as sucking up or minimizing! You don't have to agree with what was said when you say: "I hear you", "I can see how this looks like from your perspective" "I see how we have different views"
7. Ask yourself what your parts are in this constellation. Perhaps, you have been enabling toxic patterns or you have allowed them by not expressing your boundaries.
8. Allow the other to point out things he/she sees in you or what behaviors you need to change, but not in order to degrade you - only to allow him/her to feel safe enough to hear your request.
9. Be open and willing to admit to your misunderstandings or wrongdoings.This forms trusts and motivates the other to feel safe enough to admit to his/her misunderstandings or wrongdoings as well.
10. Be okay parting in the awareness that you still have work ahead of you. Talking about issues doesn't always immediately resolve them. When you are dealing with patterns that have been there for a longer, expect the resolution to take longer as well.
Show your appreciation for the conversation if you felt heard and respected and thank your partner for listening regardless of the outcome!
If the conversation feels demeaning, degrading, minimizing or devaluing, aggressive, accusatory, blaming or disrespectful to you, state that this does not make you feel safe enough to continue the conversation in this way. Ask if there is a better time or space to have this conversation. Try to refrain from assumptions or preoccupations buy reflecting back to the other what you are perceiving (right or wrong).
In a healthy relationship most toxic relationship patterns can be resolved through guilt-free and non-judgmental heart-to-heart communication!
Always make an effort to honestly communicate and express your needs, your wants and what you would like to work out WITH you partner.
Every relationship takes effort.
If both are willing to work on resolution, you are in a healthy relationship, even if some of the topics can be challenging. In this way your relationship helps you to reflect back to you what you need to work on for yourself, so that ultimately both partners benefit from the growth that can be achieved through addressing and resolving relationship issues.
A relationship is toxic when it is not HEALTHY FOR YOU or anyone in the relationship (can include children) and you can't see or don't want to see it.